A good ending

I am thankful to God for helping me through my first part-time job assignment. My job assignment with this project ended today, much earlier than the expected deadline of this Friday. My superiors are very happy that we have completed our tasks ahead of time.

I thank God that my superiors are satisfied with my work performance and they have indicated that they will inform me if there are other suitable part-time assignments available. I have been very concerned that I may have made many mistakes in my coding and that it will affect the accuracy of the data and inconvenienced my colleagues. I am thankful to God that J assured me that when they checked through some of my codings, so far they have not found any mistake. In fact, they felt that I am very careful in my codings. Thank God for giving me the grace and wisdom to cope!

I am really heartened as I see God's goodness and mercies to me in this part-time assignment. He has answered my prayers in many wonderful ways, assuring me that He cares even for the small details. Truly, He promised even the very hairs of our head are numbered and we are of more value than many sparrows!

I thank God for His goodness in answering my prayers in the following wonderful ways:

I have prayed for a part-time job after Chinese New Year ie. 11 Feb in which I need only to work about 6 hours. The Lord, in His mercies, provided this part-time job through my friend, Grace, which allows me to work for 6 hours daily and to start on 11 Feb.

I have prayed for strength, grace and wisdom daily to cope with my work. I have been feeling very tired daily ever since I started work, possibly because I am still adjusting to returning to working life after having rested for some 4 months. Possibly also because I am out of the house for 10 hours daily from Monday to Friday while I was mostly at home in the last 4 months. I am thankful to Anne who reminded me that I am to do my best for God daily. This morning, I did pray and tell the Lord that I am very tired, and I asked for His grace and strength to do my best and not be slackened in my work due to my tiredness. I prayed for the Lord's strength to continue to cope or if He wills, He will enable the project to end earlier either by today or tomorrow. I thank God for His faithfulness. I am thankful when my immediate superior, J, told my colleagues and I that we are much ahead of our expected deadline and that we can end earlier. I thank God, as a result of that, today is my last day at work. Thank God that He does not allow us to be tested above that we can bear!

I have prayed for grace to relate well with my colleagues. When I first met my colleagues, I did wonder how it will be like as I am obviously much older than them and they are all more highly educated. They are all either University graduates or University students. Thank God that they turned out to be very nice, friendly and helpful. I really enjoyed the time I spent at work with them and during lunch breaks too as we had lunch together almost every day. Today, I was encouraged, when J told me that she is going to miss me now that my assignment has ended. When I was going home, she walked with me to the bus-stop and I thought she was going somewhere too. But she said no, she is going back to the office to continue with her work but she wanted to talk to me, and so she has walked with me to the bus-stop. I am thankful to God that she appreciates my work and friendship. I hope to keep in touch with her and possibly to drop by and visit her and the other colleagues when there is opportunity.

I am thankful to God for many friends' prayers and encouragements when they know I have started working recently. In particular, I thank God for Pastor JJ, my elders, deacons and church friends for their continuing prayers and encouragements. Thank God also for Grace, Anne and others for their concerns, reminders and suggestions on how best to cope with my work in view of my health condition. Thank God for my mother's preparing my breakfast every morning and ensuring that I have a good breakfast :-)

I am thankful to God for a good ending to a good first part-time assignment. I will continue to pray, to look and to wait upon God for His provisions of other suitable assignments/work.

Thanks for visiting my blog to know my progress, and for your prayers and encouragements (if any). Take care.

To God be the glory!

"I will praise thee, O LORD, with my whole heart: I will shew forth all thy marvellous works" Psalm 9:1

Checking my thought patterns - Part 1

Thank God for seeing me through another day at work. I have 3 more days with this part-time job as it will end on this Friday, 22 Feb. This Thursday, 21 Feb, I am on leave to go for my follow-up with my psychiatrist, Dr Pauline Sim. I look forward to see Dr Sim as she has been very encouraging and helpful in treating my condition.

Today, I thank God for sending some reminders to me on how to manage my condition, through my friend, Grace. Grace has been very prayerful, encouraging, kind and supportive in many ways. Grace helped me to get this part-time job in her office and sometimes we do get to lunch together and have some fellowship. I thank God for that. Grace shared with me about a book she is reading recently on Cognitive Behavioural Therapy which talks about the way our thoughts affect our moods and behaviours. I am reminded through my conversation with Grace that I need to constantly be more aware of my thoughts and how they affects my moods and behaviours.

Last year when I began to try to understand depression and how best to manage it, I read about the 10 most common faulty thinking patterns that can either lead to a depressive episode or aggravate an episode. Dr David P Murray did a very excellent analysis of these 10 faulty thinking patterns in his 3rd lecture "The Condition" from the series "Depression and the Christian".

In his 4th lecture "The Causes", Dr David P Murray, said

In Lecture 3 we looked at 10 false thinking patterns which contribute to depression. It cannot be emphasised enough how vital it is to learn to recognise these unhelpful thoughts by prayerful self examination. It is also important and useful to note that some of these habits of thinking may be involuntarily absorbed or learned in early life and so may be deeply ingrained. When we feel down, or when we are stressed, these latent false thinking patterns tend to occur more frequently and tend to dominate. This can often lead to depression, worsen an existing depression, and, if persisted in, make recovery from depression so much harder. Sometimes, the Church can reinforce or add to false thinking patterns by over-emphasis on the negatives in the Bible and in people’s lives, or by setting standards of commitment which may discourage or depress those who are unable to attain them.

I do recognize that I have some of these faulty or unhelpful thinking patterns and they are more prominent during a relapse of depression. I am not sure whether they are the triggering factors or they are a result of the depression. I am still trying to recognize them and change them so that I can think more logically and biblically. I also realized that I have some character traits that may make me more prone to mood swings.

I read that it is important to be more aware or recognize these character traits or faulty/unhelpful thinking patterns, and then challenge and change them with more logical or biblical thoughts/behaviours.

Some of the character traits or faulty/unhelpful thinking patterns that I am learning to recognize are:

1) Perfectionism or Setting Unrealistic Expectations

Quite a number of people in my life have told me that they think I have very high expectations of myself and that I am some kind of a perfectionist. Actually, personally I do not see myself that way most of the time. I just want to do my level best in whatever I do. But sometimes when I think through it, I think that they have a point. I do not have high expectations of myself all the time and in every area. But in certain things, I tend to push myself rather hard without realizing it. Indirectly, I set unrealistic expectations of myself or goals that more unattainable which resulted in my being very stressed up or more prone to fail in my own eyes.

I suspect this is one reason why I felt very stressed for the first 2 days of work recently, as I was trying too hard to do a perfect job! Thank God for Anne who reminded me that I was being too hard on myself and that I should learn to commit my work to the Lord in prayers daily and just do my best. Thank God too for bro Arthur who told me not to be too discouraged over the fact that I made mistakes at time as that is part and parcel of work. So I am learning now to pray for wisdom and strength from God and just do my best, but not expect perfection of myself.

(Thank God also for bro Yew Hoong who reminded me to pace myself slowly and not over-strain, and for Grace who reminded me that I can take time off if I need to as the department is flexible with the hours. Thank God too for bro Hwee Kwan who reminded me to eat! I have to constantly remind myself to drink and get up to stretch myself sometimes as I can be very engrossed in my work and sit for hours without getting up.)

I think due to this perfectionism trait in my character, I am prone to have unhelpful/false "shoulds" thinking pattern which Pastor David P Murray explained as follows:

False “shoulds”

Our lives may be dominated by “shoulds…” or “oughts”, applied to ourselves or others. This heaps pressure on us and others to reach certain unattainable standards and causes frustration and resentment when we or others fail.

Life example: The busy mother who tries to keep as tidy and orderly a house as when there were no children is putting herself under undue pressure to reach unattainable standards.

Spiritual example: The conscientious Christian who feels that despite being responsible for meals and raising children, that she ought to be at every prayer meeting and service of worship, and also reading good books and feeling close to God.

Biblical example: Martha felt deep frustration that Mary was not fulfilling what she felt were her obligations and complained bitterly about it (Luke 10:40-42).

I realized that sometimes I do have a habit of saying "I must", "I have to", "I've got to", "I should"and "I need". Some of these statements may look reasonable as I think of them, but when put into context, they become clearly unreasonable. I read somewhere about the following:

"should" and "must" statements have little practical purpose. They usually remind us of what we are not doing and increase unnecessary guild and disappointment.

Unrealistic expectations occur when you attempt to be perfect and faultless at everything you undertake and in control of all situations.... This thinking style results in you having very little patience and tolerance with your own and other's weaknesses and bad habits. If you make a mistake or hurt someone, you will probably continue to criticise yourself long after everyone else has forgotten about it.

Reversing the habit

It found it helpful when I learn to use "I would prefer" instead of "I must" or "I would like to" instead of "I have to". When I think in terms of preferences instead of vital needs or demands, it remove a lot of pressure. In terms of work, it is helpful when I learn to think of what is reasonable rather than what is ideal. Sometimes the effort to make an 80% job into a 100% job is simply not worth the emotional strain. I need to learn to understand my limitations and to work within it. This way it will be less stressful for me and less disappointments.

This is a lesson that I will probably need to learn and relearn over and over again as the perfectionism trait or faulty "should" thinking pattern is too much a part of me. But I pray that God will enable me to pray and look to Him daily for grace to recognize and overcome these unhelpful thoughts and to learn to depend upon Him and just do my best as He enables me.

To be continued.........

The Precious Trial

Today, I read the following encouraging portion from a small tract entitled "Precious Things" by M. Luther Hux. It brought so much comfort and encouragement to me to remember afresh that the trials of our faith is sent by our Lord out of His love and for our good that our faith may be strengthened. As I consider the many fiery trials I have experienced ever since I became a Christian, I am enabled once again to see things from another perspective. Thank God for those trials that purged me of my dross, thrown me upon our Lord and enable me to know His love and faithfulness experientially!

The following is taken from "Precious Trial" of "Precious Things":

'The "precious faith" which we considered first must now be tried. Because they are many counterfeits of the genuine faith of our Lord Jesus Christ, our faith must go through the fires of testing that we may know whether it is true or false, and that also in the fiery trial it may be freed from the impurities by reason of the corruption of the flesh and strengthened.

The Scripture calls this trial of the believers faith "precious".

"That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto the praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ" (I peter 1:7).

From this verse observe what the apostle intends we should know about the many and painful trials which a Christian is to face all during his earthly pilgrimage -

It is a trial. It is a trial which every believer must face. It is a trial of the believer's faith. It is a precious trial. It is a trial of more value than perishing gold. It is a fiery trial. It is a trial which will last until the appearing of our Lord Jesus Christ. It is a trial of your faith whose outcome will be glorious - providing you are found to be a true believer in Him and not merely a dead professor.

It is a wonderful consolation to know that while passing through the manifold trials of this life that they are appointed of Him out of love and for a good end. They are a help and not a hindrance. They cut off pride and bring us to His feet and keep us there. They sweeten the promises and enliven the prayer. They have a tendency to lift our affections from the temporal to the eternal and make us sensitive of the sanctifying power of Christ in every cross we are called to bear. If we possess the faith which is from above we shall say with William Cowper:

Did I meet no trials here-
No chastisement by the way-
Might I not with reason fear
I should prove a castaway?
Bastards may escape the rod,
Sunk in earthly, vain delight;
But the true-born child of God
Must not-would not, if he might.

You may have wondered why you had so many trials since you first trusted the Lord. Well, there is an answer for that. You have these troubles come to you to try your faith. How would you know you were a Christian except that you have been tried? Surrounded on every hand as you are by that which is false and hearing the empty claims of deceived church-members, how can you be sure you are a true believer in the Lord Jesus Christ?

That faith, if it be a true saving faith, if it is a heavenly and not just a temporary, a stony ground faith, that is the faith that overcomes the world (1 John 5:4), and that faith is going to stand whatever fiery trial that the Lord has appointed, or Satan or the world may bring upon you. And when you come through that, you are going to be a better Christian. That trial, dear friend, while certainly not pleasant to the flesh, will prove more valuable to you than the gold of the world that must pass away. What can be more valuable than to have the blessed assurance that God is your heavenly Father, Christ is your Lord, the Holy Spirit is your Comforter, and heaven is your home? The reproach of Christ was reckoned by Moses to be greater riches than all the treasure of Egypt. Why? Because he had true faith. His faith stood the test when it was tried as all true faith will.

May the Lord grant us grace that we may welcome the precious trial when it comes realizing that it will reveal to us whether or not we have the faith that endures all things for His sake to the end - the faith which will not be ashamed to praise Him before a menacing world, that faith which will be found to the honour and glory of Him when He appears the second time.'

CH Spurgeon also preached a very encouraging sermon on the usefulness of Trials and Afflictions entitled "Sweet Uses of Adversity". This is one of my favourite sermons too :-)

Pamphlets/Articles on Bipolar Disorder

Here are some useful information/pamphlets/brochures on bipolar disorder (manic-depressive illness):

1. Bipolar Disorder by National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) (download nimhbipolar.pdf)
This is a very helpful introduction about Bipolar Disorder (manic-depressive illness), the symptoms of mania and depression, the medical and other treatments, suicide, how family can help, etc.

2. Treatment Challenges : Finding your way to wellness by Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance (DBSA) (download waytowellnessdbsa.pdf)

3. Dealing Effectively with Depression and Manic-Depression by DBSA (download dealwith-depression-and-bipolar-dbsa.pdf)

4. Guide to Depression and Bipolar Disorder by DBSA (download guide-to-depression-and-bipolar-dbsa.pdf)

5. Finding a Mental Health Professional - a personal guide by DBSA (download finding-professional-help-dbsa.pdf)

6. Healthy Lifestyles : Improving and Maintaining the quality of your life in managing mood disorders by National Depressive and Manic-Depressive Association (National DMDA) (download managing-life-in-mood-disorders-ndmda.pdf)

7.

To be continued

My Church (Pilgrim Covenant Church, Singapore)

In Singapore, I am attending Pilgrim Covenant Church (PCC). I have been a member of PCC since April 2000.

On my church's website, there is a short write-up about my church as follows:

Pilgrim Covenant Church is an independent, Protestant and Reformed, or perhaps better: Reforming, Church in Singapore, which is firmly committed to the teachings of the Scriptures which we believe to be the all-sufficient, inerrant and infallible Word of God; and the Westminster Standards, which we believe to contain the most accurate doctrinal summary and exposition of the Word of God today.

Accordingly, we are determined to preach and practise the Word of God accurately, uncompromisingly and with a clear conscience, even though such preaching and practices may be unpopular and offensive in this day of apostasy and individualism (see 2 Timothy 3:1–5; 4:1–4). In other words, we are determined to remain faithful to God, even at the expense of slow numerical growth.

We take this stance not because we wish to be controversial but because we desire sincerely to please our Holy and Covenantal God, and also because we are deeply concerned for the many who may perhaps be perishing in self-delusion (Matthew 7:21–23; Hebrews 3:2–5), having been taught only the gospel of easy-believism rather than the Gospel of Christ which exalts the sovereignty of God and acknowledges the total depravity of man.

My church address is at:

Blk 203, Tower B, #07-07
Henderson Road

Worship Location

Time :

09:30 am, Every Lord’s Day

Venue:

Blk 203, Tower B, #07-07 Henderson Road

Driving:

The only way is via Henderson Rd. Park at CP2, the second "Wilson Parking" car park after you turning into Henderson Rd. For your info, there is a fence separating CP1 from CP2. CP3 is for heavy vehicles. You can still access but the parking charges are generally higher. Parking charges: - $1.42 per hr at CP2 before 5pm. - $1.62 flat rate from 5pm to 8pm - CP2 is closed after 8pm. - CP2 closed on Sundays and public holidays. - $2.22 per hr at CP3 before 5pm. - $2.62 flat rate from 5pm to 8pm - Free parking from 8pm to 11pm. - CP3 is closed after 11pm.

MRT:

The nearest MRT station is Redhill and is about 20 mins walk away. Please see the map on the right and the additional information under buses.

Special Notes: i For the optimal MRT-bus route, you can check it out from the SBS transit and SMRT bus websites. ii On Sundays, enter in by CP3 (as CP2 is close). There is a road (shown on map) joining CP3 to CP2. You can park at CP2 via that road link. When you leave, reverse the direction. iii On other weekdays (such as when you come for prayer meetings on Friday nights), if you enter CP2 before 8pm and plan to leave after 8pm, You will go out via CP3 (as CP2 is close) using the same roadlink as (1) above. iv Do not stay after 11pm. You car will be locked in! v Printouts should appear better in landscape mode

Buses:
Bus-stop A: Nearest bus stop.
Bus numbers: 14, 131, 147, 196, 197, 275, 167, 855, 961. Walk into the Mobil petrol station and follow staircase leading to a walkway to the backgate of Blk 203B. About 3 mins walk. [Note:Backgate closes at 8pm daily. Do try to be early for prayer meetings if you using this backgate]

Bus-stop B: 2nd nearest bus stop.
Bus numbers: 14, 131, 147, 196, 197, 275, 167, 855, 961. Walk towards Jalan Bt Merah-Henderson Road junction. Cross the road to walk along Henderson Road to enter via the one-way street. About 6 mins walk.

Bus-stops C and D: 3rd and 4th nearest bus stop.
Bus numbers: 145, 272, 273, 274, 176. Walk along Henderson road and turn into the one-way street. About 7 mins walk.

Bus-stops E and F: Fifth and sixth nearest bus stop.
Bus numbers: 16, 132, 145, 851. Walk towards Jalan Bt Merah-Henderson Road junction. Cross the road to walk along Henderson Road, enter via the one-way street. About 8 mins walk.

Bus-stop G: Bukit Merah Interchange. Bus numbers: 16, 123, 131, 132, 139, 153, 198, 272, 273, 274, 275, 167, 176, 608, 851. Walk along Bukit Merah Central, enter via Henderson Road and the one-way street. About 10 mins walking.

Buses from some nearby MRT Stations:
Commonwealth Station (from West): 147, 196 (to bus stop B)
Redhill Station (from East or West): 145 (to bus stop C), 132 (to bus stop F)
Tiong Bahru Station (from East): 16, 851 (to bus stop F)
Orchard (From North): 14 (to bus stop A)
Dhoby Gaut (From North-East): 14 (to bus stop A)
Harbourfront (from South): 855 (to bus stop A)
Raffles Place Interchange: 196 (to bus stop A)
City Hall Interchange: 197 (to bus stop A)