This is a testimony of God's mercies and goodness to me in my endeavour to understand and manage bipolar disorder or manic-depressive illness (a medical condition that can be treated) and other challenges in my life, by God's grace. Thank God that we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us! (Romans 8:37)
03 July 2024
Prayer Answered by Crosses By John Newton
02 July 2024
God moves in a mysterious way
01 July 2024
The Weaver : My life is but a weaving between my God and me.
My life is but a weaving
Between my God and me.
I cannot choose the colors
He weaveth steadily.
And I in foolish pride
Forget He sees the upper
And I the underside.
Not ’til the loom is silent
And the shuttles cease to fly
Will God unroll the canvas
And reveal the reason why.
The dark threads are as needful
In the weaver’s skillful hand
As the threads of gold and silver
In the pattern He has planned
He knows, He loves, He cares;
Nothing this truth can dim.
He gives the very best to those
Who leave the choice to Him.
01 March 2024
Thank God for His mercies and faithfulness
Dear Readers,
This morning, the Lord brought the following verse to my mind:
"It is of the LORD's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness." Lamentations 3:22-23I am thankful to God for His mercies and faithfulness throughout my life. As I considered afresh how He provided and led me through this part-time job assignment that just ended, I am once again amazed by God's love and mercies to unworthy me.
When I was first diagnosed with proneness to bipolar disorder (manic-depressive illness), it was a relief to me. I finally understood my confusing past where I have experienced some 10 or 11 episodes of severe depression that usually lasted between 3 months to 6 months or sometimes longer. I struggled to get through each day. I used to wonder what sins have I committed that I have to go through these punishment time and again. Whenever I am well, I do love the Lord, love His people and love to serve Him. It must be a great sin that landed me into severe depression each time, that was what I thought. Yet during such an episode of severe depression, no amount of soul-searching, repentance and cries can bring about deliverance. It was usually 3 to 6 months later that I began to get better and more functional. I thank God for preserving me through those very very difficult times and now finally enabling me to understand why.
My diagnosis helped me to realize that my severe and prolonged depression episodes are due to my proneness to bipolar disorder which is a medical condition that can be treated. No doubt various factors, internal and external, has brought about a relapse in depression. Most of the time could be due to stress and overstraining as I am some kind of a perfectionist in my character and though I have tried hard to change, it is not easy. So unknowingly I sometimes set rather high expectations of myself or goals that are unrealistic and I am doomed to fail in my own eyes when I don't meet up to those high expectations. These often happened unknowingly as I always strive to do my best. I just can't seem to understand my limitations and how much I can really do. This has something to do with the other side of bipolar ie. hypomania. Whenever I am well, I am usually on the hypomania side. Which means I have more energy, more ideas, more creative, more talkative, more friendly and tend to take on more projects than I can handle (without realizing it) and sleep/rest less. I also will be so engrossed or occupied with various things that I neglect exercise, breaks, recreation, hobbies and sometimes regular meals or healthy meals. After weeks or months of such hypomania, a severe depression will surely follow for another 3 to 6 months or so.
My diagnosis helped me to realized that bipolar can happen to anyone. And thank God for preserving me through those very difficult times in the past and delivering me each time. Each experience, confusing though they were, have been used of the Lord for my eternal good. Through every prolonged depressive episodes, I was thrown completely upon the Lord. I have no one else to turn to. No one understood what I was going through. I thank God that through those times, He led me to seek and search His Words and Truths to understand the importance of a right relationship with Him and the great work of sacrifice our Lord Jesus Christ has done when He laid down His life on the cross for us to redeem us from sins and eternal damnation. I thank God that these Truths became very precious to me through my darkest days. I wanted to know what I must do to be saved. During a depressive episode, all my thoughts and feelings became distorted and not functioning properly. I often couldn't feel my love for God, His Word or His people. Actually, I can't feel aright generally, but I didn't realize it. I thought I was surely not a sincere believer and probably even a reprobate. So through each difficult experience, I learn afresh to look unto Jesus the Author and Finisher of our faith, to seek Him afresh and to know His love and forgiveness. So those very difficult times became great blessings as the Lord sanctified me, drew me closer to Him and enable me to experience His love and faithfulness experientially. God is very real to me because of these difficult experiences. Now I understand why the Psalmist said in Psalm 119:71:
"It is good for me to be afflicted; that I might learn thy statutes."It was through my afflictions that I understand the true meaning of some of God's Words and promises.
But my diagnosis also brings about some difficulties. In the past when I was looking for a new job, I have had difficulties finding one due to my asthma condition. It is a requirement to declare my health condition in the job application form. There were times when I was rejected because they said my asthma condition is very serious as I am on long term medication. They didn't want me to be a liability to them. Actually, my asthma is not very serious. It is mild and persistent, and that is why I have to be on long term medication as I will be in danger of sudden asthmatic attacks that can lead to sudden death otherwise. But as long as I continue with my medication, I am fine most of the time. I only get asthmatic attacks during very very cold weather in December as it rains heavily in Singapore during that time. Or if the office's aircon is too cold, I will feel uncomfortable too. But I have made it a point to wear my sweater and so in the recent years, I have very few attacks. But even then it is so difficult to get a job because of my asthma.
God in His faithfulness, provided a job for me through my good friend, Dr Chin Ming Shu, who is a child psychologist helping children with special needs such as autism, dyslexia, speech delay, etc. Ming Shu is a Christian and a very kind friend. I was with her for the next 4 years plus until I left the job recently when I was severely depressed and could hardly work. At that time, providentially she had to scale down her work to attend to some family matters. I am thankful to God for Ming Shu's kindness to me over the years as she allows me flexibility in terms of my working hours and work. And she lightens my load whenever I went through depressive episodes. Being a child psychologist, she understood depression. So she never condemn me and she sympathized and prayed and encouraged me during such distressing time. I survived a few episodes while working with her and it was because of her kindness that I was able to continue working despite my depression. It was also through her promptings that I finally sought medical help in Dec 2006, and now able to manage my condition better with medical plus other helps. Thank God!
End of last year when I started to look for a new job, I encountered the same difficulties where my health declaration is involved. Now I have to declare not only asthma, but that I am on medication for manic-depressive illness or bipolar disorder. Once I declared that, I don't hear from them anymore. Mental illnesses is still very much a stigma in Singapore. But I thank God that through my friend, Grace, that I was offered this part-time job recently. And because it was a part-time assignment, I was not asked to fill up any application forms. So no one know about my medical condition and I was not rejected because of that. Thank God! Truly with Him all things are possible. Great is His mercies and faithfulness.
As I pray, look and await God's provision of another suitable job, I thank God for the assurance in my heart that He will provide for me in His time despite the great difficulties. I pray that He may enable me to once again testify of His goodness and mercies in His next provision of a job, and that I may continue to know Him and serve Him in my new job. Meanwhile, I really appreciate this little break once again.
"My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him." Psalm 62:5
02 February 2024
愛祢到底 歌詞 ài ní dàodǐ Love You Till The End with Lyrics Words 歌詞
01 January 2024
My Church in Singapore is Pilgrim Covenant Church (PCC) which is Reformed Church
If you are in Singapore and looking for a Church or a Reformed Church, do come and visit my Church, Pilgrim Covenant Church (PCC), for worship and fellowship: (https://pilgrim-covenant.com/
03 November 2022
Detox and Rejuvenate Program (Part 1)
28 October 2022
Prolonged Recurrent Depression
For the first 13 years the medicine and treatment plans worked well. My health still alternating between hypomania (well) and severe clinical depression (very unwell), these being the characteristics of Bipolar. Thank God I was able to recover from the clinical depression within 2 weeks to a month after my Doctor increased the dosage of my anti-depressant whenever I have relapses. Once I was well, the dosages are lowered back to my regular dosage.
But over the last 2 year, 2 of the 4 medicines I have been taking, didn't work any more despite increased in dosages. It seems that my body has got used to them after taking them for 13 years. So I began to feel unwell. I realized that due to aging and menopause, my body is also undergoing some changes which also affect my whole body.
My Doctor is making some changes in my medicine as well as finding new treatment plans. For 2 years now, she has been trying me out with combinations of some new medicines and trying to find optimal dosages for my health to get better and stabilise.
So far, she has not found the right combinations of new medicines and the optimal dosages yet. It generally takes around 6 months for old medicines to leave my body system. So it also takes that long for the new replacement medicine to work.
24 January 2022
My Coping Strategies in managing Bipolar Disorder, Hypomania and clinical depression
My Coping Strategies:
4a. Exercise
4b. Omega-3 fish oil supplements
6. Mood tracking and Journalling
7. Learning to cope with stress and challenges
8. Leisure, hobbies and recreations
9. Support Network (family, church, friends, etc)
10. Counselling / Talk Therapy
11. Correcting faulty thoughts patterns22 January 2022
Can Christian suffer from depression?
(These series 6 messages on "Depression and the Christian" are also available on .pdf, .mp3 and video formats which can be downloaded from the website of Sermon Audio )
DEPRESSION AND THE CHRISTIAN
BY DR. DAVID P MURRAY
(1) THE CRISIS
INTRODUCTION
Perhaps you clicked on the link to this video out of desperation. Perhaps, like many Christians, you are secretly suffering with a mental illness – maybe depression, or maybe panic attacks – and you have tried many remedies but are growing no better, only worse. Or perhaps someone in your family is suffering in this way and you just don’t know how to respond or help. Or, maybe, you are a pastor who feels helpless when confronted with mental illness among the sheep of his flock.
Whatever your reason for clicking, I hope you will find something in this series of addresses which will either help you in your suffering, or which will help you in ministering to the suffering.
In this introductory address we shall consider the question, “Why study depression?” In the second, we will ask “How should we study depression?” Thirdly, we will look at “What is depression?”. And, in subsequent addresses we will begin to look in detail at the different approaches to helping people with depression. We will look at what the sufferer can do, what the carers can do, and what the Church can do.
Before we go on, perhaps you are asking yourself what qualifies me to speak on this subject. That is a valid question, which I will answer in four ways.
Firstly, let me make clear that I am not a medical doctor. I have, however, checked all the contents of these addresses with an experienced medical doctor who has first-hand experience in treating many patients with mental illness.
Secondly, I have been a pastor for 11 years in the North West of Scotland, both in Wester Ross and the Outer Hebrides, areas with some of the highest rates of mental illness in the world. While I do not consider myself to be an expert, I have had multiple contacts with people who suffer from mental illnesses. This also means that my motivation in making these videos, and my methodology in producing them, is not academic but is highly practical. I desperately want to help sufferers and those who minister to them.
Thirdly, I have had close and painful experience of depression, anxiety and panic attacks among friends and some of those I love most in this world.
Fourthly, I believe that God has given me a burden to speak on this subject, a burden which I cannot ignore any longer. And, I trust, with the God-given burden will come the God-given wisdom to speak in such a way that will minister to God’s suffering people.
WHY STUDY DEPRESSION?
Mental illness is a term that covers a large number of complex conditions. So, before we proceed any further, I would like to state what aspects of mental illness I am going to focus on in this series of addresses. The area I am particularly concerned with is the most common mental illness – depression. As anxiety and panic attacks are also very commonly associated with depression (so much so that doctors are increasingly using the term “depression-anxiety” when referring to depression), we will look at these distressing conditions also.
But firstly, why should we study this subject, depression? Here are eight reasons. 1. Because the Bible speaks about it
There are numerous Bible verses which refer to depression and severe anxiety – its causes, its consequences, and its cures. The Bible does not address every cause, every consequence or provide every cure. But, as we shall see in later addresses, it does have an important role to play in the treatment of Christians who are suffering from depression and anxiety.
It must be admitted that the Bible never states that “Bible Character X had mental illness,” or “Bible Character Y was depressed.” However, it does frequently describe men and women who manifested many of the symptoms of depression and anxiety. In some cases, it is not clear whether these symptoms reflect long-term mental illness or simply a temporary dip in the person’s mental health, which everyone goes through from time to time. For example, symptoms of depression/anxiety can be seen in Moses (Num.11:14), Hannah (1 Sam.1:7,16), and Jeremiah (Jer.20:14-18; Lam.3:1-6). In these cases it is difficult to say whether the symptoms reflect a depression or a dip. Martin Lloyd-Jones argues from biblical evidence that Timothy suffered from near-paralysing anxiety.[1] A more persuasive case for depressive illness can be made for Elijah (1 Kings 17:7-24), Job (Job.6:2-3, 14, 7:11), and various Psalmists (Ps.42:1-3, 9a; Ps.88).
“The Psalms treat depression more realistically than many of today's popular books on Christianity and psychology. David and other psalmists often found themselves deeply depressed for various reasons. They did not, however, apologize for what they were feeling, nor did they confess it as sin. It was a legitimate part of their relationship with God. They interacted with Him through the context of their depression.”[2]
Another significant verse is Proverbs 18:14, “The spirit of a man will sustain his infirmity; but a wounded spirit who can bear?” The human spirit can help people through all kinds of sickness. However, when the healing mechanism is what needs healing, then even more serious problems arise.
2. Because it is so common
1 in 5 people experience depression, and 1 in 10 experience a panic attack, at one stage in their lives. An estimated 121 million people suffer from depression. 5.8 % of men and 9.5% of women will experience a depressive episode in any given year. Suicide, often the end result of depression, is the leading cause of violent deaths worldwide, accounting for 49.1% of all violent deaths compared with 18.6% in war and 31.3% by homicide.
It is also common in Christians. Indeed, these days there would appear to be an epidemic of depression, anxiety, and panic attacks among Christians – both young and old. This is at least partly because of the depressing state of the Church and of the Nation. Every few days there is discouraging news about Church splits or problems, and Christians backsliding or falling into temptation. Then there is the secular and anti-Christian direction of the Government as it continues to dismantle the Judeo-Christian laws and standards that our civilisation was built upon, and as it attacks and undermines family life. On top of this, there is the relentless audio-visual misrepresentation and persecution of Christians through the print and broadcast media. To top it all there seems to be an unceasing diet of bad news on the international stage, with wars, terrorism, and “natural” disasters ever before us.
In these conditions, it is therefore little wonder that Christians react adversely, and get depressed and anxious about themselves, their families, their Church, and the world they live in.
3. Because it impacts our spiritual life
We might say that there are three main elements in our make-up that affect our overall well-being: our body, our soul, and our mind (our thoughts). These are not three watertight and disconnected entities. There is considerable overlap and connectivity. When our body breaks down, it affects our spiritual life and our thinking processes. When our spiritual life is in poor condition, our thoughts are affected, and often our bodily health and functions also. It is therefore no surprise that when our mental health is poor, when our thinking processes go awry, that there are detrimental physical and spiritual consequences.
The depressed believer cannot concentrate to read or pray. He doesn’t want to meet people and so may avoid church and fellowships. He often feels God has abandoned him.
Moreover, it is often the case that faith, instead of being a help, can actually cause extra problems in dealing with depression. There is, for instance, the false guilt associated with the false conclusion, “Real Christians don’t get depressed.” There is also the usually mistaken tendency to locate the cause of mental illness in our spiritual life, our relationship with God, which also increases false guilt and feelings of worthlessness.
4. Because it may be prevented or mitigated
Many people have a genetic pre-disposition to depression, perhaps traceable to their parents’ genes, which increases the likelihood of suffering it themselves. However, even in these cases, knowledge of some of the other factors which may be involved in causing depression can sometimes help prevent it, or at least mitigate and shorten it. Others, with no genetic pre-disposition to depression can also fall into it, often as a reaction to traumatic life-events. And, again, having some knowledge of mental health strategies and techniques can be especially useful in preventing or mitigating and shortening the illness.
One great benefit of having some knowledge about depression is that it will prevent the dangerous and damaging misunderstanding which often leads people, especially Christians, to view medication as a rejection of God and His grace, rather than a provision of God and His grace.
5. Because it will open doors of usefulness
Increased understanding of depression will make us more sympathetic and useful to people suffering from it. This is taught by the converse truth in Proverbs 25:20, “As he that taketh away a garment in cold weather, and as vinegar upon nitre, so is he that singeth songs to an heavy heart.” If we saw someone fighting for life in the midst of a freezing blizzard, the last thing we would do is take his coat away. Such an action would be cruel and heartless, and could easily lead to death. But, says the Bible, similar dangerous heartlessness is displayed by the person who tries to help their depressed friend with superficial humor and insensitive exhortations to “Cheer up!”
In later videos we shall look in more detail at what friends and carers should say and do for those suffering with depression and anxiety. However, the general rule is that those who listen most and speak least will be the most useful to sufferers.
6. Because it is so misunderstood
“Being depressed is bad enough in itself, but being a depressed Christian is worse. And being a depressed Christian in a church full of people who do not understand depression is like a little taste of hell.”[3]
As we all know there is a terrible stigma attached to mental illness. This is the result of widespread misunderstanding about its causes, its symptoms, and the “cures” available. Some of the misunderstanding is understandable. Unlike cancer or heart disease or arthritis, there is no scan or test which can visibly demonstrate the existence of depression/anxiety. It is a largely “invisible” disease. We want to be able to point to something and say, “There’s the problem!” When we can’t, we often wrongly conclude, “There is no problem!” Or, if we are Christians, we may, usually wrongly, conclude, “My spiritual life is the problem!”
This misunderstanding is addressed in the excellent book, I’m not supposed to feel like this (a book written by a Christian pastor, a Christian psychiatrist, and a Christian lecturer in psychiatry). Near the beginning of the book, they summarise what they believe and what they do not believe about depression:
“What we believe: We believe that all Christians can experience worry, fear, upset and depression. We also believe that being a Christian does not prevent us or our loved ones from experiencing upsetting and challenging problems such as illness, unemployment, or relationship and other practical difficulties.
What we do not believe; Although at times we all choose to act in ways that are wrong and this can lead to bad consequences for us and for others, we do not see anxiety and depression as always being the result of sin; neither do we
believe that mental health problems are the result of a lack of faith.”[4]
It is absolutely vital for Christians to understand and accept that while mental illness usually has serious consequences for our spiritual life, mental illness is rarely caused by problems in our spiritual life.
7. Because it is a talent to be invested for God
Like all affliction in the lives of Christians, mental illness should be viewed as a “talent” (Matt.25:14ff) which can be invested in such a way that it brings benefit to us and others, as well as glory to God.
Dr James Dobson, the Christian psychologist, observed that “nothing is wasted in God’s economy.” That “nothing” includes mental illness.
Mind over Mood, while not written from a Christian perspective, illustrates the possible “benefits” of depression thus:
“An oyster creates a pearl out of a grain of sand. The grain of sand is an irritant to the oyster. In response to the discomfort, the oyster creates a smooth, protective coating that encases the sand and provides relief. The result is a beautiful pearl. For an oyster, an irritant becomes the seed for something new. Similarly, Mind Over Mood will help you develop something valuable from your current discomfort. The skills taught in this book will help you feel better and will continue to have value in your life long after your original problems are gone.”[5]
It is usually broken people that God uses most. In Passion and Purity, Elisabeth Elliot
quoted Ruth Stull of Peru:
“If my life is broken when given to Jesus it is because pieces will feed a multitude, while a loaf will satisfy only a little lad.”[6]
8. Because we can all improve our mental health
Most Christians try to take preventative (and curative) measures to enjoy good physical health and spiritual life. However, there is less consciousness of the similar effort required to maintain or recover mental health. There is much less awareness of the biblical strategies and sound mental techniques that can be used to achieve good mental health, which obviously has beneficial consequences for our bodies and our souls.
I have never been diagnosed with any kind of mental illness. However, like most people, and especially like most ministers, I have had low points in my life. My thinking processes have gone wrong, causing times of mild depression, and anxiety.
What I now know about improving and maintaining mental health, and what I hope to communicate in later addresses, would have greatly helped me in these low periods. What I have learned is helping me on a daily basis to overcome disappointment and handle stressful situations without my mental health suffering as much as before.
As I look around me, and especially as I look around the Church, I can see many people who have not been diagnosed with depression, and who are not disabled with it, but who are experiencing long-term, low-level depression/anxiety which is having its own knock-on effect on their bodily health and the spiritual lives.
I believe that it would not be too difficult for them to learn some sound strategies and techniques which will improve mental health, and consequently their bodily and spiritual health.
In the next video we will consider the attitude and spirit in which we should study depression.
Dr. David P Murray served as the Pastor of Lochcarron Free Church of Scotland from 1995 to 2000, and then of Stornoway Free Church of Scotland (continuing) from 2000 to 2007. In August 2007 he accepted a call to be the Professor of Old Testament and Practical Theology at Puritan Reformed Theological Seminary in Grand Rapids, Michigan.
[1] M Lloyd-Jones, Spiritual Depression, (London: Pickering & Inglis, 1965), 93ff.
[2] S & R Bloem, Broken Minds (Grand Rapids: Kregel, 2005), 204.
[3] J Lockley, A Practical Workbook for the Depressed Christian (Bucks: Authentic Media, 1991), 14.
[4] C Williams, P Richards, I Whitton, I’m not supposed to feel like this, (London: Hodder & Stoughton, 2002), 10.
[5] D Greenberger & C Padesky, Mind over Mood, (New York: Guilford, 1995), 1.
[6] E Elliot, Passion and Purity, Power Books (Old Tappan, NJ.: Revell, 1984).
All 6 articles on Depression and the Christian: