Come unto me....and I will give you rest

I was rather manic recently, as you can see :) I have been writing long posts to share my thoughts and feelings which is therapeutic to me. Sometimes I also write long emails to share with some friends. I do have racing thoughts on most days and find it especially a relief to be able to share on this blog. Thanks all my dear blogging friends and readers, for dropping by and share my experiences. Thanks for all your prayers and encouraging comments! It's a joy to get to know all of you and to be able to mutually encourage one another and support one another as we strive to manage our bipolar disorder or depression so that we can be more functional and useful.

I am thankful to God for His mercies and faithfulness in answering my prayers and providing some freelance assignments for me. It is because I am able to work freelance that I am able to continue to write and share my experiences and God's goodness to me on this blog.

As I am rather manic, I do still have problem slowly down. I know I need to slow down and pace myself moderately as past experiences have taught me that prolonged manic and hyper-activity will lead to a severe depression episodes that can last for months at ends.

I have been very occupied in these days doing 2 freelance job assignments, developing my blogs, doing volunteer work for my church and making bookmarks for my church friends. I do enjoy these very much and sometimes lost track of time, or forget to take short breaks in between. I have been feeling rather tired at the end of each day for the last 2 weeks. I know these are early signs that I am over-straining myself. I am trying to slow down and take rests in between. I do pray that God may grant me wisdom to manage my time and strength so that I don't fall into severe depression again.

Today I felt very tired even in the afternoon and had to take a nap, which I don't usually do. As I laid down to rest, I commit myself unto the Lord. I asked for His grace to help me to cope with each day in His strength and not to over-strain. I am reminded that my strength and joy is in Him and I pray that He will not let me forget Him or let any work/activities let priority in my life.

I thank God for the joy of seeking Him in prayers and devotions every morning and evening. This evening, the Lord encouraged me with the following passages from Matthew 11:

Matthew 11:28-30

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

Thank God that when I feel tired and weary after a long day, I can come before our Lord in prayers and commit myself, my family, my church, my work, etc etc to Him, and find rest in Him. It is truly blessed to belong to the Lord Jesus Christ, to have the assurance that all things are in His hands. I must not worry or be overly anxious but learn to cast all my cares upon Him because He cares for me. Thank and praise Him.

"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28


I took this flower at the Sentosa Flower exhibition at Sentosa Island, Singapore.

When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee

Thank God that He is my help and strength daily.

Before my diagnosis of bipolar disorder (manic-depressive illness) last year, I have gone through some 10 to 11 episodes of severe depressions which often lasted some 3 to 6 months or longer. During those very distressing times, I didn't know that my condition is a medical condition that can be treated. I hid my sufferings most of the time because of the terrible stigma associated with depression even among Christians. I am thankful to God for preserving me through those very difficult and painful times, and extremely lonely and confusing time. Now, I found comfort in the knowledge that God loves me and is working all things for His glory and my good even through this chronic illness.

I thank God that now my family, church and friends are more understanding and supportive. Bipolar disorder can be very confusing to our family and friends. They not only caused much distress to us, but to people around us as well. Thank God for helping my family and friends to be more very understanding, supportive, prayerful and kind. One of the purpose of my developing this blog is also to share with family and friends of people with bipolar disorder or depression, so that carers and friends can know how best to help someone with mood disorders.

Pastor David P Murray, who did 6 very information and useful videos on "Depression and the Christian" said in his 6th message on "The Carer":

As Christians, we surely want to be the person whom our loved ones turn to in time of need. And, when they do turn to us, we want to be able to help them and not hurt them further.

It is, therefore, imperative that we learn about depression and other mental illnesses in order to avoid the very common mistakes that lay-people often make when dealing with the mentally ill, and in order to be of maximum benefit to those who are suffering.

Thank God that He has provided family and friends who care and willing to learn about our conditions so that they can be of maximum benefit to us. These are tokens of God's love and goodness to us.

Even at times when family or friends failed to understand or support us, we may have the comforting assurance that God cares. He Who loved us enough to send His only begotten Son, our Lord Jesus Christ to live, suffered and died for us, continues to love us and care for us daily. And very often, His presence and faithfulness is most experienced in our darkest day. We would never have been able to survive without Him!

How comforting to remember that the Lord is with us. When we passed through deep waters or go through the fires, He is with us. He will never leave us nor forsake us. May we rest in His love and faithfulness when reasons, feelings and even faith fails us. We rest in Him and look to Him alone, and not even to our faith which is often weak.

May God's love through our Lord Jesus Christ brings you comfort and sweet peace today :)






I took this picture of the waves at Changi Beach, Singapore.

"Fear not: for I have redeemed thee, I have called thee by thy name; thou art mine. When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee." Isaiah 41:1-2

Bipolar - not a lifetime imprisonment

Recently, I shared in my post "Looking through our prisons" on how when I was first diagnosed with bipolar disorder (manic-depressive illness) in end March last year ie March 2007 after about 2o years of mood swings with about 11 episodes of severe depressions, I was both relieved as well as discouraged.

I was relieved to finally understood my confusing past and to know that my condition has a name ie bipolar disorder (manic-depressive illness). I was relieved to know that it is a medical condition that can be treated, and it is not due to my being too emotional or any weaknesses in my character. It is a medical condition just like asthma, diabetes and hypertension.

But when I was first diagnosed, there was a one point of time when I was thrown into despair. When I knew that bipolar disorder is a lifelong condition and that it is cyclical in nature, which means it will recur, I was very discouraged. Every prolonged and severe depressive episode is very unbearable and painful beyond words. I felt as if I have been given a lifetime imprisonment sentence in which there will be no release from this prison. It is worst then a death sentence. A death sentence will end all pain and misery once and for all. But to be imprison in a brain that can malfunction at any point of time and be thrown into severe depression episodes over and over again, is both scary and distressing. How my heart sank when I thought of that.

Thank God He comforted through His Words, the Bible and His love, mercies and faithfulness in many wonderful ways. I realized that no matter what God allows me to go through, He will be with me in it and His grace will be sufficient for me. He promised that He is working all things for His glory and for my good. And He will never leave me nor forsake me. He makes no mistake! If He allows me to have bipolar disorder, He knows that it will be cyclical. He does not delight in my sufferings. But yet He allows it for a good purpose and I can trust in His love and sovereignty.

Thank God that my diagnosis helps me to understand my condition and the necessity to seek helps. Thank God, now with medical helps, counselling and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, regular exercise, Omega 3 fish oil, managing stress level, et etc my condition is under control now and I am able to live a more stable and useful life. I also read the Bible and pray daily for strength and grace from God to live for Him joyfully and serve Him despite my condition and limitations. I thank God for joy in Him daily as I experience His love and mercies in many wonderful ways.

Susan encouraged me that she doesn't think it needs to be a life sentence for people. As people recover from terminal illnesses; why shouldn't they recover from Bipolar Disorder? She felt it's too bad that our doctors aren't more hopeful.

Michelle noted that the trickiest part is learning to control the disease as much as we can, to know what makes it worse and learning to live a rich life even with the illness. She have had a lifetime of illness to learn this and she refuses to let her illness still her joy! Doesn't mean she is always happy but she does always have joy even on the days she has to look really hard for it.

Susan and Michelle's sharing are very encouraging. Thank God that we live in a generation where there are much helps available. Vincent van Gogh, who experienced severe depressions and whose painting became famous after his tragic death through suicide, lived at a time when medical help was not as advance as now. Most people with mental illness like Vincent van Gogh are locked away in asylum. Mercifully, in our age, with medical and other helps, most people with depression, bipolar, schizophrenia and other mental health condition can be helped and we can live a life that is close to normal and be productive too.

I just received a very encouraging comment from Rob. Rob shared of how after 30 years of being on Lithium, he has been able to go off Lithium under the advice of his doctor. For the last 22 years, he did not have any relapse of depression and mania. He feels that those of us with bipolar should not think of ourselves as being helpless victims. There are things we can do that will help us to avoid the extreme highs and lows. Things that are just as important as drugs. Rob hopes that we know that bipolar disorder should not be thought of as something that is going to ruin you whole life. It is not a "life sentence" in that way.

I do agree with Rob that bipolar need not ruin our life. It need not be a "life sentence" of imprisonment for us. We can learn to manage our condition with the various helps available, and look beyond our condition to live a useful life just like every one else.

As much as I feel that medication is important, I too feel that other coping means are equally important. And at some point they may be more effective, as we learn to know what may cause our highs and lows, and seek to learn to manage these. At this point of time, my medication is helping me and I am thankful for that. I am also learning as much as I can how to manage my condition through other helps. It is true that sometimes no matter how best we have done to prevent a relapse, it may still happen. This is the nature of the illness. But we can still learn to either shorten these or how to get better, or if not, then at least to bear these episodes patiently, knowing that they will pass over and we will experience light and joy once again. There is truly a wide spectrum to the experiences of bipolar, our manic and depression may affect us in different ways. But the good news, is there is hope and help. Thank God that I am benefitting from different coping means now. Thank God that by His mercies, I have been able to find some blessings in my bipolar condition, and I am appreciating how bipolar shapes my thoughts and life. It makes my life more colorful and enable me to know God and His goodness and mercies in very real and personal ways daily.

I am reproducing Rob's comment here for our encouragement. Thanks again, Rob, for sharing!

Dear Nancie,

In 1976 I became manic, was diagnosed as bipolar, and was put on Lithium (and also temporarily Stelazine, a tranquilizer). I came back down to normal after a few weeks, but then slid into depression for 5 long months. I had to drop out of fourth year university that year. I got back to normal, finished my Bachelors degree the next year, and went on to get a Masters degree. I was quite normal until 1985, when I became manic again, and was hospitalized for 12 days, though this time the mania did not last as long as before, and miraculously I did not rebound into depression. Since then it has been over 22 years, and I have had no further episodes of mania or depression. I have been quite fine, and have had a very nice and productive life. About 2 years ago I started to feel that the side-effects of Lithium were getting more bothersome than before. I asked my psychiatrist about drug alternatives, and much to my surprise he suggested that I try going off Lithium and take no drugs at all. After 30 years of taking Lithium every day, for the first time in my adult life I was going to experience my body drug-free! I read a lot on the Internet about going off Lithium (most said it was very risky), and we agreed that for safety I should get off it very gradually over 3 months. I did that, and it has now been 16 months since I took any Lithium or any other drug, and I've been fine. I have had no bipolar episodes at all, and I don't have those bothersome Lithium side-effects to deal with. I watch my moods carefully, try to sleep well, get exercise each day, eat nutritiously and keep my stress level down. So far so good! I just want others to know that bipolar disorder should not be thought of as something that is going to ruin your whole life. It is not a "life sentence" in that way. I hope my example makes you and others feel a bit more optimistic. I used to feel that Lithium was my only real defense against this illness. Now I feel that Lithium and other drugs do work, and are necessary in many cases, and I certainly wouldn't recommend that anyone stop taking their meds without consulting their doctor, but I also feel that those of us with bipolar should not think of ourselves as being helpless victims. There are things we can do that will help us to avoid the extreme highs and lows. Things that are just as important as drugs. I think your blog is an excellent resource in that regard, and covers many great ideas. Keep up the good work, and be confident in your efforts to manage your bipolar tendencies. You have a good attitude. -- Rob

I took this rose at the Sentosa Flower exhibition at Sentosa Island, Singapore.

"Cause me to hear thy lovingkindness in the morning; for in thee do I trust: cause me to know the way wherein I should walk; for I lift up my soul unto thee. Psalm 143:8"

Because He Lives - another lovely song on Sally DeFord Music website

While searching for "Because He Lives" by the Gaithers on the internet, I stumbled across another song "Because He Lives" posted on Sally DeFord Music website.

The wordings are also very encouraging and the tune is nice. The .mp3 song sung by various people plus a very beautiful sound track can be downloaded from Sally DeFord Music website.

Because He Lives

Because he lives;
because he rose in mighty triumph from the grave
I put my trust in him, and seek to follow him in faith
Because he lives

Because he lives,
I shall find strength to stand against the tempter's power
He is my refuge and defense in every troubled hour
Because he lives

Chorus:
Because he lives I can bear whatever burden may be mine
I am encircled in the arms of love divine because he lives
Because he lives he will banish every shadow of my pain
Every sorrow will be swallowed up in him
For in his hand is healing for the weary soul
This I know because he lives

Because he lives my heart is filled with peace amid a world of fear
And through the blindness of the night, in him I rest secure
Because he lives

Because he lives there is no task so great that I cannot endure
I bear no heartache that his tender mercy cannot cure
Because he lives

(Repeat chorus)

Because he lives I will fear no darkness
Because he lives I will walk in light
Because he lives I will praise his kindness
Because he lives hope shines ever bright
Because he lives I will seek his righteousness
Because he lives I'll follow where he leads
Because he lives I shall conquer even death
And I shall live because he lives!

Because he lives I will rejoice in Christ and glorify his name
And with the willing voice of gratitude proclaim: My Savior lives!
Because he lives he will banish every shadow of my pain
Every sorrow will be swallowed up in him
For in his hand is healing for the weary soul
This I know because he lives

This song is posted by aldora87 at YouTube.

I took this rose at the Sentosa Flower exhibition at Sentosa Island, Singapore.

He is not here: for he is risen, as he said. Come, see the place where the Lord lay. Matthew 28:6

Romans 5:8 But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

Matthew 28
5 And the angel answered and said unto the women, Fear not ye: for I know that ye seek Jesus, which was crucified.
6 He is not here: for he is risen, as he said. Come, see the place where the Lord lay.
7 And go quickly, and tell his disciples that he is risen from the dead; and, behold, he goeth before you into Galilee; there shall ye see him: lo, I have told you.
8 And they departed quickly from the sepulchre with fear and great joy; and did run to bring his disciples word.

Romans 8
28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.
31 What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us?
32 He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things?
33 Who shall lay any thing to the charge of God's elect? It is God that justifieth.
34 Who is he that condemneth? It is Christ that died, yea rather, that is risen again, who is even at the right hand of God, who also maketh intercession for us.
35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?
37 Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.
38 For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,
39 Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 5
1 Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ:
2 By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.
3 And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience;
4 And patience, experience; and experience, hope:
5 And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.
6 For when we were yet without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly.
7 For scarcely for a righteous man will one die: yet peradventure for a good man some would even dare to die.
8 But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
9 Much more then, being now justified by his blood, we shall be saved from wrath through him.
10 For if, when we were enemies, we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, being reconciled, we shall be saved by his life.

Whom have I in heaven but Thee?

Thank God for the joy and privilege to join in my church's public worship again this morning and to fellowship with my friends. My Pastor shared a very encouraging sermon with us on the theme "The Fear of the Lord" (Proverbs 1:7).

"The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge:..." Proverbs 1:7

Today, Pastor JJ shared with us that the basis of our fear of the Lord is:

1) The LORD is our God and our Creator
The LORD is self-existent and He depends on no one for His existence. On the other hand, we are fully dependant on Him for our existence, life and motion. Our lives are in the hands of God.

2) The LORD is a holy God
God's holiness exposes our earthiness and uncleanness.

3) The LORD is a covenant God
God Who is self-existent, transcendent and holy has chosen to reveal Himself unto a people and adopted them to be His sons and daughters. God chose to reveal Himself to us so that we can know Him and be adopted as His children. God is our covenant making and covenant keeping God and He draws us near to Himself, by sending His only begotten Son, our Lord Jesus Christ, to live and died for us, so that we may know Him.

When we come to know and understand who God is, we are drawn to love and reverent Him. The fear we have of God is a fear that causes us to know our own unworthiness and makes us want to respect and please God, and makes us fear to sin against Him. It is a fear that causes us to love God just as a child would love his father with respect.


This encouraging message reminds me once again of God's mercies to me in leading me to seek and know Him about 20 years ago. Through an episode of severe depression, and finding life meaningless, the Lord has providentially used my circumstances to lead me to seek Him.

I was born in Malaysia and I grew up there. More than 20 years ago, I came to Singapore on my own to work. With unrealized ambitions, and seeing the deceitfulness of human heart, I was very disillusioned. I wasn't interested in the rat race I saw around me in my job. I was disappointed with the fragile human friendships I experienced then too. Life seemed so meaningless. Providentially, as I love reading, I came across a book in the library in which several Christians testified to living a very meaningful life because they had a personal relationship with God through the Lord Jesus Christ. I have always believed there is a God but never felt the need to be "religious." But at that point of time, I seemed to have come to an end in myself. I was far away from home and family. I was not able to realized my ambitions and disillusioned by friendships. I wondered whether life was worth living. But that book opened my eyes to realized that what if there is really a God? What if God really loves me and is interested in my life? And He has made me for a purpose? Which means my existence is not by accident? Wouldn't that makes life meaningful? I have never really prayed before. But that evening, I prayed and asked God to lead me to know Him through my 2 colleagues who have been witnessing to me. By God's mercies, He used these 2 brothers to bring me to church. They gave me a Bible and I began to read, go to Church for public worship and I pray on my own too. As I read the Bible, I was moved by the love of God for lost sinners. For the Bible says, that

"For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life." John 3:16

To know that God loved me and sent His Son, our Lord Jesus Christ, to live and died for me, was very encouraging to me. Though I found much disappointment in human friendships, I found much consolations in God's love. I read with wonder of how the Lord suffered and died on the cross for us. Who will lay down his life for another man? But our Lord laid down His life for us, to save us from our sins, by paying the penalty for our sins, so that we can have our sins forgiven by the cleansing of His precious blood and we can enjoy eternal life in Him. What a comfort!

My life was never the same again. Though I continue to experience about 10 to 11 severe depression episodes thereafter until my diagnosis last year, because I didn't know that I have this condition called bipolar disorder (manic-depressive illness), the Lord's love changed my life. God's love gives me the courage to face many difficult challenges in my life. And no matter what He allows me to go through, I have experienced His love and faithfulness in many wonderful ways.

I love the Lord, though my love are feeble at times, and I failed the Lord in many ways. But life will be meaningless to me without God. I know that God has a purpose for my life here, even in this bipolar condition. I am thankful that through my struggles with severe depressions, the Lord has led me to know Him in very personal and real way daily. Without God sustaining me, I would not be alive today neither would I be able to be useful. I thank God for His love for me despite my unworthiness. It is my prayer daily that God will help me to know Him and live for Him.

Augustine said in his famous Confessions, "Our hearts are restless until they rest in Thee, O Lord." Truly, it is in God that I found rest for my soul. And I am comforted by the knowledge that one day when my tasks here are completed, God will take me home to be with Himself, to my eternal rest and fellowship with Him.

This morning we sang one of my favourite portions in Psalm 73 (This Psalm can be sing to the tune Wetherby or Wiltshire which can be downloaded (.mp3) from here. You can also download from Free Reformed Software Page, the Psalter with Tunes or Psalm Tunes Midi Files)

Psalm 73:25-28

Whom have I in the heavens high
but thee, O Lord, alone?
And in the earth whom I desire
besides thee there is none.

My flesh and heart doth faint and fail,
but God doth fail me never:
For of my heart God is the strength
and portion for ever.

For, lo, they that are far from thee
for ever perish shall;
Them that a whoring from thee go
thou hast destroyed all.

But surely it is good for me
that I draw near to God:
In God I trust, that all thy works
I may declare abroad.

Edward Griffin preached a very encouraging sermon titled "Whom have I in heaven but Thee". This is one of my favourite sermons. Edward said the Psalmist, Asaph, had experienced a severe trial from the infirmities of his own heart; which trial, together with the manner in which he was relieved, is described in this beautiful Psalm. He had been “envious at the foolish when” he “saw the prosperity of the wicked,” and had indulged in unworthy complaints against divine providence. But the glory of God’s faithfulness and truth so opened on his soul, and the comparative emptiness of all earthly things, that with more than recovered spirits he exclaimed, “Thou shalt guide me with thy counsel and afterward receive me to glory. Whom have I in heaven but thee? and there is none upon earth that I desire besides thee.”

Edward wrote:

Such a temper of supreme delight in God will operate in unreserved and universal submission to divine providence. While God is more beloved than all other objects, the withholding or removal of every thing besides him will not awaken a spirit of unsubmission and rebellion.

While the Christian has such supreme delight in God, he will not be inordinately leaning on friends or wealth or any worldly object for enjoyment. No high expectations will be formed except those which centre in the supreme good. Lightly valuing the things of time and sense, he will scorn the restless pursuits and unsatisfied desires of the covetous; and holding the commands of God in supreme veneration, he will practice deeds of liberal charity.

Sensible that prosperity gives and adversity takes away only those things which are least desirable, neither by prosperity nor adversity will he be greatly moved. Ever assured that God, the supreme good, is safe, he will dismiss all anxieties respecting future changes, and come what will, he will “rejoice evermore.” Calmly resigning the management of all affairs into hands dearer than his own, he passes his days in unruffled serenity, and knows not the distrusts of jealousy nor the uneasiness of unbelief. Having a greater regard for the divine will than for any earthly comfort which that will can bestow, he has learned “both how to abound and to suffer need,” and “in whatsoever state” he is, “therewith to be content.”

The result of this supreme love to God will be faith, trust, self-denial, obedience, and an unreserved consecration of all that we are and have to him, to be disposed of according to his pleasure, and to be employed in his service, how and when and where he is pleased to appoint.

Read the rest of this very encouraging sermon from my Believers Encouragement blog at "Whom have I in heaven but Thee".




My friend, Heng Sau, took this photo at Saipan.

Whom have I in heaven but thee? and there is none upon earth that I desire besides thee. My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever. Psalm 73-25-26