More Than Conquerors

Monday, February 25, 2008

We do not remember days, we remember moments

This is one of my favourite quotes on friendship. I think it does not only apply to the relationship between a man and a woman or a husband and a wife.

I thank God for the many friends He has provided throughout my life.

I am thinking of my good friend, Anushea, since I was in primary school. She has been a very dear friend for many years, loving and accepting me all the time.

I am thinking of my friend, Siew Lee, who was my Manager in a Trustee company. She gave of her substance very sacrificially to support me and my family through my 4 years of Bible College training. Her friendship and kindness has been a tremendous blessing in my life.

I am thinking of my Pastors and my friends in my previous Church and in my current church. Many of them are praying for me, writing to me, talk to me on the Lord's day when I go to church, go to beach with me or other outings. Some gave love gifts anonymously, while others gave omega-3 fish oil and most recently, a dear sister-in-Christ is starting to pay for my renewal of membership with an all ladies gym so that I can resume regular exercise as it is helpful in my management of manic depressive illness or bipolar disorder.

I am thinking of my church friends, sis Grace Yong, bro Arthur and bro Hwee Kwan, who kindly remind me when they think I over-straining myself during a manic episode. I am thankful for Aunty Ruth who prays for me daily whenever I have a relapse of severe depression and who takes me to the beach whenever I am better as she knows I love to go to the beach.

I am thinking of Theresa and Wee Chin whose fellowship and kindness has been a tremendous encouragement to me. I am also thinking of Esther Chew in Canada who writes very encouraging email to encourage me and to share of God's goodness to her in her missionary works and labour for our Lord.

I am thinking of Ming Shu, Louise and Shirley whom I worked with for 4 years. For their friendships, kindness and forebearance. I am also thinking of the kind friendships of Tong and Sue who own a stationery shop near my old office. They are praying for me and encouraging me on various alternative ways to get well. They are also helping to sell some of my bookmarks at their stationery shop :-) so that I can share my passion for photography and handiworks with others. Thank God for them.

I am thinking of George and Siew Geok in Brunei, who send very encouraging emails with very lovely attachments of pictures and powerpoint slides. Thank God for their faithfulness in sending these lovely mails to me.

I am thinking also of bro Johnson See and Pastor Chris Coleborn who is a minister of the Evangelical Presbyterian Church of Australia, who shares my passion to help children with special needs. My meeting with Pastor Christ Coleborn together with my good friend, Dr Chin Ming Shu, to pray and deliberate on the possibility of starting a support group for Christian parents of children with special needs, left a very deep impression in my heart even upto now. Though we did not managed to start a support group together here in Singapore, the workshop Pastor Chris Coleborn conducted while he was in Singapore was most encouraging and helpful to many parents of children with special needs, and for me and others who come into contact with these children and their parents. These children will always have a special place in my heart.

I am thinking of my newfound friends through blogging ie. Marja, Michelle, Anne, Merelyme, Dreamwriter, Susan, Amanda and Desiree. Thank God for these friends through whom I am able to learn and share with. I am also starting to get to know Jim who is a Christian and he writes very well. Thank God that through them I am also able to enjoy the benefit of an online support group! This is something I have never thought of :-)

I am thinking of my 3 newfound penpals who emailed me after they read my posts on this blog ie. Juliet, Jackie and Michelle. How encouraging to read their mails and to know of their willingness to write and share with me on a more personal basis. Thank God for them.

Thank God for all the friends He has given to me. I may not remember the days and exact time I spent with them, but I remember some of the special moments we shared.

So this quote "We do not remember days, we remember moments" are for all of you who are my dear friends. Thank God for all of you!

Saturday, February 23, 2008

Let each day be your masterpiece

Before I became a Christian, this phrase "Let each day be your masterpiece" has been one of my favourite quotes.

I like the way life is seen as a piece of work or art in which each day is our masterpiece. We strive to do our best for our family, the people around us, the society and for ourselves.

I like to give of my best to each day of my life. I love life with all its mysteries and beauties. I strive to do my best in whatever I do. Not sure whether it is because I am some kind of a perfectionist, or this is a part of my character trait.

After I became a Christian, this phrase takes on a new meaning as I strive to live in God's strength for His glory and the benefit of His people.

I hope to live each day to the best of my ability and present it as a masterpiece to God Who creates me, gives me life and gives me the grace and strength to live for Him.

I seek our Lord Jesus Christ daily to know Him and how best I can serve Him. I try to do my best daily in whatever I am called to do. I do all things joyfully as unto the Lord. In my difficulties and struggles, I cast myself upon our Lord and look to Him for grace to cope.

I try to love God and the people around me to the best ability I can. I know I failed many times but with God's grace, I will keep trying. I am learning to cherish the people around me and reflect God's love in my relationship with them. I pray that others may see God's love and grace in my life, my works, my relationship with them, etc. And they will know a little that God is my Creator and I am one of His masterpieces :-)

I thank God for the pleasant experience in my part-time job assignment recently. On the last day of my work on Tuesday, I made some of these bookmarks for my colleagues with this phrase.

JQ likes them very much. She has never seen this phrase before but she said she is beginning to like it very much.

JQ emailed me 2 days ago. She said one of my bookmarks is already sleeping in one of her books. And she is masterpiecing her days :-)

Glad that this phrase is having an impact in her young life :-)

I thank God that He is my help and strength daily. Though I have many struggles with severe depressive episodes in the past and even now I am still learning to manage this bipolar disorder (manic - depressive illness), I know God is with me daily. He is my help and strength.

Hi, if you are interested to make some of these bookmarks for yourself or your friends, you can download some Free Bookmark Templates from my "Homemade Crafts and Gifts" blog and I shared some free tips there as well on how to make them :-)

Friday, February 22, 2008

My therapeutic Hobbies

Thank God that most people with bipolar are rather creative. So I enjoy writing as I can express my thoughts, feelings and emotions freely through writing.

I also enjoy photography as it allows me to capture the beauties in God's creations and precious moments I spend with loved ones or I see in others. I love to share with others the photos I have taken so that they too can appreciate the beauties of God's creations. You can see more of the photos I have taken on my "Around Singapore" blog.

I do enjoy making bookmarks, cards and calendars too. Sometimes I also do cross-stitch. Usually I made these as gifts for my friends. I like to personalized these gifts for my friends and put my favourite verses or phrases on them. You can see more of my handiworks on my "Homemade Crafts and Gifts" blog.

My brother took some photos of very lovely flowers in New Zealand and I used them to make bookmarks. Recently, I visited the Sentosa Flower exhibition at Sentosa Island in Singapore. I took some lovely pictures of flowers. I also love to take pictures of the beach. Yesterday, I tried using some of these photos to make some bookmarks:

My brother took the pink rose in New Zealand and I took the yellow flowers during a briskwalk session around the neighbourhood of my home.

These flowers are taken at Sentosa Flower exhibition at Sentosa Island,

Singapore.

Both these pictures are taken at East Coast Beach, Singapore.

The blue one is taken on a sunny day while the green one is taken on a cloudy and windy day.

Hmm... strange that the beach looks so different on different days. Kind of like us with bipolar - extremely different moods on different days :-)

Hi, if you are interested to make some of these bookmarks for yourself or your friends, you can download some Free Bookmark Templates from my "Homemade Crafts and Gifts" blog and I shared some free tips there as well on how to make them :-)

Free Calendars 2010 and Free Planners 2010 Resources:

Free Bookmarks Resources:

Free Cards Resources:

Free Handicrafts Resources : Free Cross-stitch

Free Sewing Resources : Knitting

Free Origami Resources:

Free Arts and Crafts for Kids Resources:

Nice Piano Instrumental Music Resources:

Medications

For the treatment of my bipolar disorder (manic-depressive illness), currently, I am taking 2 medications ie. mood stabiliser (lamotrigine 100mg, brand name Lamictal) and anti-psychotic (quetiapine 25mg, brand name Seroquel) to be taken every night. Whenever I am down with severe depression, I will need to take an anti-depressant ie. 20mg Fluoxetine (or common brand name Prozac) for 7 to 10 days. The anti-depressant does not cure me but it lifts me up to a more functional level. Then I am able to make use of other helps such as reading the Bible, pray, regular exercise, reduce stress, recreation or breaks (see my coping strategies).

My Doctor said I will probably need to be on Lamictal for lifelong as it will help to stabilise my mood on the long term basis. As bipolar disorder or manic-depressive illness is a chronic and lifelong condition, mood-stabiliser is crucial in the management of it. Lamictal is less toxic than Lithium salts and it is another option available that helps in treating bipolar. My Doctor said I probably will need Seroquel too as Seroquel will help to prevent relapses of depression. Seroquel is an anti-psychotic and it works by changing the actions of chemicals in the brain. Seroquel is used to treat the symptoms of psychotic conditions such as schizophrenia and bipolar disorder.

But medications alone is not enough. Medications can only help if used together with other management techniques or helps which I am learning use to manage my condition. I am learning to recognize what can trigger off my episodes and look out for early symptoms so that I can either prevent or shorten the episodes. I discovered that stress and strain over a period of time will bring about a relapse severe depression. Hypomania behaviours will worsen if I have little sleep or rest, or take on more and more projects. After months of hypomania, depression will follow. It is like a cycle. I am learning to arrest these cycles earlier or use various helps to shorten them. By God's mercies, I am making small progress which I am thankful for. Thank God for providing various helps.

I have also been taking large dosage of Omega-3 fish oil supplements through the kindness of 2 church friends for the last 9 months or so. Omega-3 fish oil is said by some writers to help with bipolar disorder in the long run when taken on a regular basis.

I hope that one day, by God's enablement, I can manage my condition so well that I can be on lower dosage of medication or without medication eventually. But I know that at this point of time, I still need to continue with the medication in order to be more functional. Although the medication have their side-effects, at least at this moment they helped me to be more functional. Without the help of medication, I will still be in severe depression and will have to wait for the cycles to run their courses before I can function which is usually after 3 to 6 months or sometimes longer. And the frightening truth is that my condition has worsened over the years. My interval of my relapses were closer and my symptoms were more severe and less bearable. My severe depressive episodes have become more suicidal and these suicidal tendency are harder to fight. Thank God for preserving me. I believe that medication and other helps will help me to get better and cope better. So I am learning prayerfully to use other coping helps.

I hope that with the various helps, my down time will be lesser and lesser and I can contribute more to the Lord's works, my family and the society at large. I thank God that there are various helps available now for bipolar and other mental health condition so that we may be able to continue to live in the society and contribute in small ways. In the past, without these helps, people with mental health conditions are confined to institutions and isolated from the society.

I know that ultimately it is God who preserves and restores me. But it is also my responsibility to take care of myself by using the means and helps God has made available to me. There has to be a balance between God's sovereignty and man's responsibilities. So I make use of these means (see my coping strategies) prayerfully, looking to God to use these for my recovery. I pray daily for God's guidance to me to the right helps and learn to manage my condition so that I can be more functional and able to continue to serve our Lord.

I know that our Lord will preserve and strengthen me for as long as He wants me to serve Him here. When my service are done, He shall call me home to be with Him, to enter into my eternal rest and to enjoy communion with Him forever. So meanwhile, I look to Him daily, for grace and strength to run this race that is set before me, looking unto Jesus the Author and Finisher of my faith.

Finding a Good Doctor

I thank God for providing for me a very good lady doctor early in my endeavour to seek medical help, through the recommendations of my former employer who knows this lady doctor. I was treated by Dr Pauline Sim of LP Clinic in Singapore. Some details on her Clinic are given on my "Who to Contact in Singapore" page.

Dr Sim is a very concerned and kind psychiatrist. She always has a smile on her face. She listens attentively to my description of my symptoms and experiences. She reassures me that with the right medications and other helps, my condition will improve and I can lead a close to normal life and be useful to the society. She is always very positive, hopeful and encouraging. I thank God for using Dr Sim to help me.

For some months after I first got better in April 2007, I did attempt to seek medical help from a hospital where I can get subsidized fees for consultation and medications, due to financial constrain. But somehow I find it difficult to really communicate with this male doctor. He is a very nice doctor and genuinely concern for his patients. He is also very humorous and I always found myself laughing at his jokes when I go for my reviews. He always complained that I should have stayed on with Dr Sim as in the hospital they already have too many subsidized patients to handle ! He said this to me on my every visit for review. Hmm.... I honestly do not know whether he is joking with me or he is seriously unhappy about it :-)

I somehow do prefer a lady doctor and due to other reasons, especially a bad relapse in end of 2007, I saw it as providence and of necessity to make a switch back to Dr Sim when the Lord provided for me financially through the kind love gifts of some church friends. Thank God that my condition has improved tremendously under Dr Sim’s care once again. Dr Sim not only monitor my medications and adjust the dosage accordingly, she also taught me how to recognize early symptoms, how to adjust my medication when necessary, how to arrest a relapse or shorten an episode by using other coping strategies. She is equiping me to handle this illness so that I can be more functional.

I realize that it is important to find a good Doctor as well as a Doctor that I can work together with on a long term basis. My Doctor is my partner in treatment and recovery. It is important for me to find a Doctor that I can speak openly with, who will listen to me and emphatize with me, who will offer helpful suggestions and be invested in my recovery. I also appreciate Dr Sim's honesty and firmness with me. When I am better, I am often hypomanic and sometimes I have unrealistic expectations of myself or will try to undertake projects that are beyond my ability or more than I can handle. Thank God that Dr Sim will help to analyse my thoughts and redirect me back to reality! She said she will help "to bring me back to earth" :-)

This condition is not like other medical conditions where a Doctor just need to know the symptoms and then prescribed the standard medications. Bipolar disorder or manic-depressive illness is a life-threatening and chronic illness that affects different individuals in different ways. It is there necessary to find a Doctor who is willing to understand me, my make up and personality, how this illness is shaping or effecting my life and help to work with me on the medications that will help me to function more stably in the long run. A Doctor who is willing to explore with me the possibilities of my relapses or the causes of worsening symptoms and advise me how best to manage my medications and illness. This I have found to be possible with Dr Sim’s help.

I thank God for His kind provisions of love gifts through various friends in my church who gave of their substance anonymously and very generously. It is with this merciful provisions of God through them that enable me to continue treatments with Dr Sim. I thank God for my part-time job assignment recently that enable me to earn some income and continue with my treatments besides meeting my daily needs. Now I am benefitting from a combinations of different coping means. Thank God for His ever provisions.