From the rising of the sun

Thank God for the joy of waking up each morning! Whenever I am severely depressed, I dreaded waking up in the morning. That was always the hardest part of the day. I dreaded the thought of having to face another day of hopeless, useless and pain.

But now it is so different! Thank God for restoring me from my recent relapse of severe depression in July 2007. The wonderful thing about bipolar disorder or manic-depressive illness is that whenever I am better or well, I am usually kind of hypomanic. And at such time, I wake up each morning with joy and thankfulness. I look forward to the many challenges each day. I have a lot of ideas, become more creative, have more energy and there seemed to be so many things I want to do or accomplish each day.

Thank God for every opportunity to know Him and serve Him with each new given day. I pray that I may always know His love and faithfulness, no matter what He sovereignly allows me to go through in this pilgrim journey. I am thankful to God for enabling me to know His love and mercies experientially especially through my severe depression episodes. Those severe depression episodes are painful beyond words, but they also have a very sanctifying influence in my life. They are mercifully used by God to purge me of my dross.

Sometimes when I am well, I can be very complacent. Sometimes I get carried away by many things and thoughts that I have daily. I can be quite a workaholic and neglect God, my family, friends and people around me. I can become very task-orientated and just want to accomplish as much as possible daily. I derived satisfaction from doing a good job at whatever I do, as I am some kind of a perfectionist. Sometimes I forget to spend more time with God, forget to pray, forget to follow His Words and seek His guidance or direction.

Severe depression episodes are mercifully used by God to humble me, to bring me down more to earth and realize afresh what really matters in this life. Nothing in this life will last for eternity. Not my possessions, my reputations, my family, my career, my friends, my church, my hobbies, etc etc. None of these things will last. One day they shall all perish. But my relationship with our Heavenly Father and our beloved Saviour Lord Jesus Christ, shall last for all eternity! One day when all things are gone, and even my own life ends, our Lord Jesus Christ shall take me home to be with Himself in to enjoy His love and glory for all eternity. What a blessed hope!

Thank God for the encouraging reminders at the Westminster Shorter Catechism class at my church last evening. It was the first time I attended the Class together with my sister-in-Christ, Grace Lim. Pastor JJ was lecturing on Westminster Shorter Catechism Question 20:

Westminster Shorter Catechism Question 20: Did God leave all mankind to perish in the estate of sin and misery?

Answer: God having, out of his mere good pleasure, - from all eternity, - elected some to everlasting life, - did enter into a covenant of grace, to deliver them out of the estate of sin and misery, and to bring them into an estate of salvation by a Redeember.

Pastor JJ reminded us that God has established a covenant of grace with His people. He is a covenant keeping God and He will not break His covenant/promise/contract with us. Despites our sins and failures, God remains unchanging! Nothing can separate us from the love of God.

How I pray for grace to know God in very real and personal ways, to remember His love and faithfulness through all the changing scenes of life. And to be able to praise Him from the rising of the sun until the going down of the same.



This beautiful picture is taken by my friend, HH Sau, at Tai Po, Hong Kong.

From the rising of the sun unto the going down of the same the LORD'S name is to be praised. Psalm 113:3

What is the meaning of Life? - Part 2

Last Thursday, I shared about my constant struggles during severe depression episodes with the question "What is the meaning of Life?". Whenever I am severely depressed, this question will surface over and over again. I did not know that later, by the mercies of God, this painful and difficult recurring question was to eventually led me to embark on a new journey which is changing my life now in many wonderful ways!

I thank God for leading me to seek help at Counselling and Care Centre in Singapore in January 2007. As I recounted my past relapses of severe clinical depression in the last 20 years, to my Christian counsellor, Sarah, she noted that there is a phrase I keep repeating and that is during every depressive episodes I will wonder "What is the meaning of Life?".

Sarah felt that there is a necessity for me to explore this question and to see how I can get a more realistic and biblical view on this question as that will have an impact in my recovery. That was around beginning of February 2007, and I had just started anti-depressant (20 mg Fluoxetine every morning) for about 2 weeks. Thank God that I am very sensitive to medication and so I was lifted up to a more functional level about 1 week after I took Fluoxetine. So when I was recounting all these past relapses to Sarah, I was more rational and able to think more clearly.

After my second session with Sarah, she asked me what I think is the meaning of life? Sarah wants me to go home and think about this question and to discuss with her in our next counselling session the following week.

Throughout that week, I prayed much and thought through what really is the meaning of Life to me? I know many people will look at it in many ways. What is the meaning of Life? Is there really a meaning to Life? Is there a purpose for my Life? Or am I just here for no reason? If there is a meaning to Life, then what is the meaning or purpose of my life? What really is God's purpose for my life here?

I tried to recall some lessons I learned many years ago during Bible study of the Westminster Shorter Catechism on the chief end of our purposes here:

Westminster Shorter Catechism Question 1 : What is the chief end of man?

Answer: Man's chief end is to glorify God, and to enjoy him for ever.

Bible references:

1 Corinthians 10.31 : Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God.

Psalm 73.25-26 : Whom have I in heaven but thee? and there is none upon earth that I desire beside thee. My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion forever.

I thought from what I learned from the Catechism question above that God has created me for a purpose and I am here daily to accomplish His purposes, to glorify His name and enjoy Him. I glorify Him when I serve Him and do my best in whatever I do. I glorify Him when I love others and serve them as a way to show my love for God. As at that time I was no longer severely depressed, I do not feel that life is meaningless.

I prayed, look into the Bible and then wrote down some of my thoughts and feelings over the week. When I next saw Sarah, we continued to explore the question on the meaning of life.

I told Sarah that to live a meaningful life is to be a useful person. To be able to serve God, care for my family and do a good job at work. I always strive to do my best at work. When I am able to contribute to my church work, my family situation or work or charity work, I feel that I am living a very meaningful life. Whenever I go through severe depression, I lost all my energies, strength and motivation to do anything. I felt that I am very useless and a total failure. Life seems so meaningless to me.

Sarah listened attentively. She clarified some of my thoughts by asking me some questions. She didn't say very much whether she agrees with my views or not. Then she suggested that maybe we try and explore further through another method.

Sarah took out a very huge piece of paper and some colored markers. I wondered what she intended to do?

(Little did I know that by God's mercies and love, He was using Sarah, my Christian counsellor, to teach me many precious truths which indirectly led me to embark on a new journey, a journey that changes my life in many wonderful ways, and my relationship with God, my family, my church, my friends and others around me. A journey that I am still pressing on now joyfully, by the grace of God.....)

To be continued....