10 March 2008

A story of Bipolar Disorder or Manic-Depressive Illness : Does it sound like you?

(This blog is for me to share my experiences and information I have found, or resources I have found useful. This is not a place for self-diagnosis. But if you recognize some of these signs and symptoms in yourself or your loved ones or friends, you/they may need medical attention, please consult the medical physician.)

How does one know if he or she has Bipolar Disorder of Manic-Depressive Illness? It took me 20 years to get a diagnosis. And my first diagnosis was proneness to major depression. It was after a manic episode several months after taking anti-depressant that my Doctor realized that I am actually prone to Bipolar Disorder or Manic-Depressive Illness.

Bipolar disorder, also known as manic-depressive illness, is a brain disorder that causes unusual shifts in a person's mood, energy, and ability to function. Different from the normal ups and downs that everyone goes through, the symptoms of bipolar disorder are severe. They can result in damaged relationships, poor job or school performance, and even suicide. But there is good news: bipolar disorder can be treated, and people with this illness can lead full and productive lives.

Early recognition of symptoms can lead to earlier diagnosis. And early diagnosis can lead to earlier finding helps and means to cope.

National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) produced a very useful article on the real account of someone with Bipolar Disorder and it gives important information on the symptoms of Bipolar Disorder.

A Story of Bipolar Disorder publication cover

The article starts by asking "Are you feeling really “down” sometimes and really “up” other times? Are these mood changes causing problems at work, school, or home? If yes, you may have bipolar disorder, also called manic-depressive illness. "

James’ story:

“I’ve had times of feeling “down” and sad most of my life. I used to skip school a lot then I felt like this because I just couldn’t get out of bed. At first I didn’t take these feelings very seriously.


I also had times when I felt really terrific, like I could do anything. I felt really "wound up” and I didn’t need much sleep. Sometimes friends would tell me I was talking too fast. But everyone around me seemed to be going too slow.


My job was getting more stressful each week, and the “up” and “down” times were coming more often. My wife and friends said that I was acting very different from my usual self. I kept telling them that everything was fine, there was no problem, and to leave me alone.

Then, all of a sudden, I couldn’t keep it together. I stopped going to work and stayed in bed for days at a time. I felt like my life wasn’t worth living anymore. My wife made an appointment for me to see our family doctor and went with me. The doctor checked me out and then sent me to a psychiatrist, who is an expert in treating the kinds of problems I was having.

The psychiatrist talked with me about how I’d been feeling and acting over the last six months. We also talked about the fact that my grandfather had serious ups and downs like me. I wasn’t real familiar with “bipolar disorder,” but it sure sounded like what I was going through. It was a great relief to finally know that the ups and downs really were periods of “mania” and “depression” caused by an illness that can be treated.

For four months now, I’ve been taking a medicine to keep my moods stable and I see my psychiatrist once a month. I also see someone else for “talk” therapy, which helps me learn how to deal with this illness in my everyday life.

The first several weeks were hard before the medicine and talk therapy started to work. But now, my mood changes are much less severe and don’t happen as often. I’m able to go to work each day, and I’m starting to enjoy things again with my family and friends.”

Many people who have bipolar disorder don’t know they have it. This booklet can help. It tells you about four steps you can take to understand and get help forbipolar disorder.

Four steps to understand and get help for bipolar disorder:

1. Look for signs of bipolar disorder.
2. Understand that bipolar disorder is a real illness.
3. See your doctor. Get a checkup and talk about how you are feeling.
4. Get treatment for your bipolar disorder. You can feel better.

Download this Free Booklet from National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) and read further:

A story of bipolar disorder.pdf

Read on Signs and Symptoms of Bipolar Disorder or Manic-Depressive Illness.

Read on Treatments for Bipolar Disorder or Manic-Depressive Illness.


09 March 2008

Thank God for the joy of worship and fellowship

Thank God for the joy of going to church today to worship God and to have fellowship with my church friends. It is spiritually very refreshing to me and it lifts up my spirit to continue to seek God and walk with Him and serve Him in the coming week.

This is a privilege which I can't enjoy very much whenever I go through relapses of severe depression. Whenever I go through severe depression, I will be so slowed down and miserable that I could hardly function. I have no energy nor will to do anything. From the moment I wake up in the morning until the time I go to bed, I will be extremely miserable. This often can go on for about 3 to 6 months, or longer. I dragged myself through each day, incapable of feeling any pleasure or joy. The most painful of all was the sad fact that I lost my joy in the Lord too at such times. This is because the chemical in my brain is not functioning properly or sending the appropriate messages. I was not able to think or feel aright generally. So I often mistakenly thought that either God has forsaken me or I was not a true Christian. Sometimes I wondered whether I was a hypocrite destined for eternal damnation. Life seems so meaningless to me without God. What is the point of going on?

I cannot imagine how I could have survived the 10 or so dark and painful depression episodes without God’s preservation and mercies. During those years, I didn’t know that my condition is an illness and that there is actually a pattern to it. After several months of normal or high (hypomania), a relapse of clinical depression will follow for another few months. In the recent years, my relapses have become more closer and more difficult to cope. With every severe depressive episodes, there is the tendency to have suicidal thoughts as life seems so meaningless without God and the ability to enjoy anything or do anything. The seemed no light at the end of the tunnel.

Thank God that even though I was not able to feel His presence or love for me during a relapse of severe depression, He has never leave me nor forsake me. In fact, it is He that is sustaining me. Underneath me is His everlasting arms! What a mercy!
"The eternal God is thy refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms: ...." Deuteronomy 33:27a

It is a mercy that I can have opportunities to worship God in a Church that love God and love me. I thank God for His love for me in leading me to know Himself in 1990, some 18 years ago, and how He has sustained me through so many challenges in my life. Even now in this bipolar disorder, He is continuing to enable me to know more of His love and faithfulness.

I thank God for my family, my Pastor, my church elders and deacons, church friends and other friends, for all their prayers and encouragements, and kindness in so many ways. These are tokens of God's love for me and they strengthen my heart as I seek to walk with the Lord Jesus Christ and serve Him. It gives me courage to continue on despite my condition. Though I know that there is always the possibility that I might have to go through severe depression again though on medication and with other help (as this is the nature of the illness), but I find much joy and courage in the Lord daily as I look to Him for strength and grace to live for Him. I know that He will continue to take care of me even as I strive to take care of myself so that I can continue to seek and serve Him. And I can look forward to the day when my tasks on this earth is completed, and the Lord takes me home to be with Himself, to my eternal rest, to enjoy His love, to worship Him and to spend eternity with Him. What a blessed hope!



My brother, Arthur, took this lovely photo at Muriwai Beach, West Auckland, New Zealand.



"...for he hath said, I will never leave thee nor forsake thee."
Hebrews 13:5

John 14
1 Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me.
2 In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you.
3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also.
4 And whither I go ye know, and the way ye know.